SEP 29 - WRITE THE BEST DATING PROFILE EVER ZOOM WORKSHOP
Learn how to write a profile that attracts relationship-minded and emotionally available matches. We’ll discuss how to write your bio, what prompts to choose, photo selection, red flags to avoid and more.
In terms of internet dating, how do I screen for or write an ad that will attract a man who owns a home and has his retirement planned well? I’m a homeowner and have a pension, so I am financially well off enough to live a modest lifestyle but never have to work again. I am 51 and never want a man who may end up financially floating off me. I want equal to me or better than me. Advise on how to ask for this and not appear like a gold digger?
I advise all my clients - men and women - that your financial situation or mentions of money do not belong in your dating profile.
DO NOT MENTION ASSETS
You never want to discuss assets or how you support yourself. This includes sharing whether you rent or own your home. Think about it this way: Would you ask a stranger how much they paid for rent or whether or not they were a renter? Probably not because it’s inappropriate. If it’s not something you would discuss in mixed company then it doesn’t belong in a dating profile. Mentions of financial security and disposable income will end up attracting the people you want to avoid.
AVOID PEOPLE THAT LEAD WITH ACCOMPLISHMENTS INSTEAD OF CORE VALUES
In my experience writing and reviewing dating profiles, I’ve noticed people who highlight their jobs, degrees and Instagram lifestyle are often lacking in other areas. You shouldn’t have to sell yourself in that manner. You want people to be drawn to your humanity. Not your house down The Cape or The Hamptons.
AVOID PHRASES LIKE “SELF-SUFFICIENT” AND “INDEPENDENT”
If your goal is to attract a match that is emotionally available then you must present yourself in the same manner. Terms like “self-sufficient” and “independent” make a person - man or woman - sound closed-off and aloof. It’s certainly admirable you have your life under control. However, you don’t want people to infer that you are without needs. That might inspire some people to think they don’t have to bring anything of substance to the relationship.
LET PEOPLE READ BETWEEN THE LINES
When I work with clients, we create a profile that not only reflects their core values, traits and passions but one that resonates with the type of matches they wish to attract. We do not do this by writing out a laundry list of must-haves. We talk about all the ways they posess the qualities they’re looking for in a match and relationship. That way, instead of having to meet a bunch of qualifications, potential matches can decide what bits of information resonates with them and decide on their own whether they want to swipe right.
Here are some words/phrases to use to drive home that you have your ducks in a row, financially and otherwise:
Established
Settled
Order
Together
Responsible
Grown-Up
Adult - ie At 51, I’ve mastered this adulting thing.
REMEMBER: BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT YOURSELF IS NOT A BONUS
Owning a home is a huge personal accomplishment. You deserve to feel proud about achieving that. However, being able to put a roof over your head and pay your bills is a bare minimum expectation for most adults. That’s why most men aren’t impressed by how much a woman makes or whether she rents vs. owns. That expectation has been put on them since birth. Speaking of which…
I rent. At times I feel shame because of it even though I live within my means, keep my lights on, have less than $500 in credit card debt and contribute to savings every week.
Whether or not someone owns their home or rents isn’t indicative of their financial stability. Or their character. Many people look at owning property as a representation of wealth.
Try to acknowledge areas where you’re prioritizing stability and where you’re prioritizing status.
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