Hi! I saw this guy for 10 months and it went slow. And it seemed to be building into more and more . And than 2 months ago he blew off our date, so I broke it off . Because he use to do that when we first met and we talked and he corrected it .
He also never got rid of his Tinder account . Which didn’t bother me until he started getting distant the last month . And he said he didn’t meet anyone .
It’s been almost 2 months of no contact , but I miss him and don’t understand how we could be here now after being together during the pandemic and all the bs it brought .
I’m missing him, but not wanting to reach out bc I feel like he broke it , he should fix it . But he’s not even contacting me.
I find the timing of this situationship very significant. Ten months. You know what else had lasted 10 months at the time he blew you off?
COVID.
Dating during the pandemic made a lot of people jump into relationships very quickly because they didn't want to be alone or because they didn't want to go without sex.
The fact that he never got rid of his Tinder account was a glaring red flag of things to come. It signified that he wasn't mentally off the market. Even if he wasn't dating anyone else (sure, dude) the fact that app remained on his phone was an indication of where he saw your relationship going.
I'll also point out that unless he told you his Tinder was still active, you either a) were also still active on the app or b) checking to see if his profile was still active. Neither of those two options say you felt secure in this relationship. Which makes sense because he had already ghosted you once. (Again I will say this is why you never give ghosters a second chance. They do it once, they'll do it again.)
The thing is, you should have been bothered that profile wasn't deleted. You had every right to be. If you weren't exclusive, then he was free to date other people. However, he could have at least had the courtesy not to be obvious about it. Someone who is considerate of a person's feelings does things to avoid hurting them. You knew he was still active because he didn't care if you found out.
To you, this was a relationship that weathered a global pandemic and all the stress and anxiety that created. In your mind, you'd gone through that together. In his mind, eh. Not so much.
He didn't break the relationship because I don't think it ever existed in his mind. It sounds to me like he never planned on sticking around.
I get that you miss him. I know it sucks, especially at a time when we're already feeling so isolated and disconnected. If you reach out to him, I feel certain he might come back and just as certain he'll exit just as quickly. Taking him back will also set in stone a very toxic precedent: that he can walk out and come back whenever he chooses, regardless of how it makes you feel.
If you don't stand your ground now, he'll just waltz back in ad do it again. Worse, if you don't hold firm, you'll do the same thing in another relationship. Use this heartache as a way to build up your resilience. We are all capable of it, but it takes time and experience to achieve it. Staying stuck in this loop will only keep you from properly moving on, healing, and finding someone that values you.
That he could so abruptly and coldly abandon you says this guy doesn't. It is critical for your future relationships to understand why that's not okay. It's not okay he treated you with such a lack of consideration. It's not okay he didn't look out for your feelings. You deserve someone who would agonize over just the possibility of hurting you.
He gets five out of five Fuck That Guys.
Comments