In my dating profile I say I'm looking for a long-term relationship but I still get emails from guys only looking to hook-up. How do I stop this from happening?
Unfortunately, there really isn't a way to prevent the casual hook-up guys from messaging or matching with you.
The people that read bios completely are usually the same people that write complete profiles. There's a direct correlation between how much effort one invests when creating their dating profile and how much effort that same person invests in getting to know their matches. A user who's looking for a relationship will take the time to write a thoughtful bio, upload more than two selfies they took at the gym, and fill out their basic stats. It's in their best interest to do so because they are trying to meet someone compatible for them. When they swipe or view profiles, they're going to read them thoroughly and view all the photos. Their messages will say something beyond your basic "what's up?"
In other words, they're going to try. Not only that, they're going to make it clear to you by their actions and follow-through that they tried.
The people on a dating app for the fun of it or to hook-up are going to do the opposite. Not only will they make the bare minimum effort when creating their dating profile and writing their dating app bio, but they might - might! - read your profile. That's why those men seeking a casual entanglement still contact you: they didn't read your profile. They can't be bothered. In order to receive a return on their (minimal) investment, they throw as much spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. Meaning, they shoot off a bunch of "Heys" and "What's ups?" messages and wait for the responses to roll in.
You want to avoid these types of people? Pay attention to not just to how complete their profile is but the manner in which they engage you once you begin messaging. Are they inquisitive? Do they make it clear they read your profile? Conversely, do they respond too quickly? Do they appear anxious to exchange numbers or to move to WhatsApp? Do they - and this is a HUGE red flag - ask you for more pictures? The extra picture request is a dead give-away. They're not just asking for pictures of you playing tennis. They're looking for nudes. They're no point in asking why they want the photos, as they will likely lie. Even if they are not looking for naked photos of you, they're trying to make you prove to them - a stranger - you are worth their time. Always give those people a hard pass.
Also important to realize is that, if you're matching with people who brazenly tell you they're not looking to date you but would prefer only to hook-up, that's not about you or anything you're doing. You are probably not - in any way - encouraging this kind of response. I assure you, people who are that upfront about using the platform to find casual sex are saying the exact same thing to the bevy of people they're swiping on and messaging. It's not you. It's nothing you're putting out there. Some people are just socially inept and think their radical honesty is charming. Spoiler alert: it's not. Don't award anybody points for being honest. We're supposed to be. Society has a tendency to give certain types of people - white men, conventionally beautiful women, people with status - extra credit for being decent human beings.
Let's stop doing that.
Thoughts?
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